He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
