bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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