So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
