The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
