I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Pappa wants mamma naked
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
