It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
