im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You ruined the universe
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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