Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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