Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
