Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
