I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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