Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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