...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
