party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
