Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
