My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
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captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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