... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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