Someone shit on the floor
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
