Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize