my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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