I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
