he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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