Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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