its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
