3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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