Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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