no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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