I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
