she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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