Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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