She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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