worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
