there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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