im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
