even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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