If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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