this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
