Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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