So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
