Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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