dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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