Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
