Will you blow on my dice?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
