escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
