thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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