it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
