Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
