love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
