kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think my moral compass just broke
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
