I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
