ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
