i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We have started to decorate penises.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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