Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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