She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
