You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
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Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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