if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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