hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
