I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
