What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
