i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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