As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
