Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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