i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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