3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
